INTRODUCTION

Hello dear reader. This is the beginning of the downhill slide – as it were. Many may not view it as such given the circumstances in which I find myself: Retiring (almost) from the practice of law. Just having purchased a new luxury catamaran in Les Sables-d’Olonne, France. Sailing said catamaran, Ataraxia, transatlantic to Sint Maarten in the Caribbean. And, planning on sailing her over the next few years to the far reaches of the world with my dog, Pyrrho, as well as family and friends. Indeed, one cannot complain too loudly of such privileged opportunities. Few want to hear of the difficulties associated with such a life. Yet, that is what the Ataraxia Quest Blog will embrace. Fear not dear reader, there will be limited whining about my very real struggles (except for perhaps the first 7ish installments).

To say this chapter in life has been a development years in the making is an understatement, but let us start more recently. The epiphany that burning and the rise from the ashes is only the beginning of the journey came to me on December 22, 2022, while on early morning watch during the maiden voyage of the new “condomaran”. For those of you not familiar with a Lagoon 46, my boat, that is what such yachts are derisively referred to in the sailing community. I bought the boat specifically as a liveaboard to escape and return to writing and photography – through which I hope to “find myself.”

I am not a sailor and there are innumerable better scribes who have written about sailing and the sailing experience. Sailing across the great seas is epic. Sailing between islands to fraternize with the natives, eat local cuisine and drink tasty concoctions is less so, but often more interesting. Because this is a sailing journey I will undoubtedly regale you in some tails of sailing and my individual journey of discovering far flung locations for this Reno boy. But all told, I did not feel sufficiently qualified or inspired to focus on these stories. You see, I have been trying to figure out how to start a blog about this journey from a human perspective outside the usual sailing tropes. The journeys did not begin with the launching of Ataraxia or with the decision to finally give up my former life over a year ago. It didn’t even begin with the growing discontent over my professional choices or the failures of my personal ones. No, those were simply symptoms of much deeper issues. Troubles, which of course, start with childhood traumas. As some of you who know me may (not) be shocked to hear, I did not make it out of my formative years unscathed.

So, in deciding upon an overarching theme and my desire to convey some type of meaningful messages, I am striving to unveil what journeys mean. Not only for me because few would stay tuned for any length of time, but primarily for those around me who choose to engage. In brief, this will be a written, photographic and video documentary of the travels and travel partners who make up this ripple, wave and swell crashing to shore. The why, what, wheres and hows of each participant’s journey will be explored and documented. Of course, each individual journey has a beginning with purported goals. How that ultimately reveals itself in the execution and conclusion will also be part of the inquiry. What intrigues me the most is how the original beliefs translate after being exposed to the reality of the travels. As in many great classics, what the protagonist thought the original journey’s meaning often reveals itself to be something completely different.

I just finished a book entitled “How to Read Water” by Tristen Gooley. A must read for those intrigued by not only how water works, but also its interconnectedness with all around us. That is exactly what made the book inspirational. There are many details about water, wind and the stars. But, it is the inescapable bonds that tie us all together, human as well as flora and fauna, that carried me through the tome. The basic elements of Water, Wind and Earth, which shape our existence, are discussed in some detail. Fire, the Sun, is also explored in context. Of course, water is the focus of the book and this journey. I just didn’t appreciate how the subtle and exquisite, yet ultimately powerful essence of water defined me until years later. Not very enlightened for a Cancerian.

I started to burn down long ago. Hence, my adoption of Phoenix Quest Explorations to find an appropriate outlet from the practice of law. But the quest to reinvent myself came to a culmination with the separation from my son’s mother beginning over a decade ago. (At this point and despite all of the destruction along the way, I only have love and appreciation – as well as regrets – for all that we went through.) Because of the severity of my traumas and inability to effectively address those issues, I had to be torn down to my core. Stripped bare. The process is ongoing. I previously believed we had made it through to the other side. I was sadly mistaken. Ultimately, closing that personal chapter and trying to reinvent myself professionally were only patches, glossing over the real issues. I yearned for Phoenix Quest – in professional part, an adventure/tour business that never got off the ground – to enable me to emerge from the flames of destruction and despair. Personally, I am still burning. I know fire. It still, but less often, oozes from every thought, pore, and breath.

With that said the struggle was not without progress. What I have learned to appreciate is: When you burn yourself to ashes what arises does not necessarily have to be on fire. At least for me, a lack of drive, inspiration and passion were not the issues. When emerging from the crucible, water is required to douse the smoldering ashes. If the same inferno arises again, you are not being reborn; one is just putting on a new set of window dressings. That is why my journey has morphed from a Phoenix Quest to one of Ataraxia – One of Water. One you cannot help but to travel “downhill.”

I am hoping that this Ataraxia Quest Blog will help inspire you, dear reader, to burn yourself to ashes, to tear down the walls, and then to reinvent yourself. To truly do something, be someone you never thought possible.